Yea It's Another Post, Fantastic.

As I sit on my balcony watching my dad teach a priest to swim, I can only think of one thing. America is awesome. Just great. Where else is there such religious freedom and tolerance? Not in Europe that's for sure. England? Bite me you tea drinking imperialist assholes. Alright that was probably a little harsh, but then again they did colonize India. Good thing we had Gandhi or my life would look a lot more like Mary Poppins meets Slumdog Millionaire. Oh yea plus the Crusades? Totally uncalled for. France? Nah all they're good for is mimes and annoying 15 year old girls who constantly quote this blog and send the link everywhere (love you <3). Germany? HAHAHAHA, the only way you can use Germans and tolerance in the same sentence is "The Germans have a high tolerance for beer, oh and they hate Jews." I don't even want to talk about the Middle East cause they hate women over there. WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? Not safe in Iraq that's for sure. I can just imagine an Iraqi musical: some lady comes out, fully covered in a towel or a burqa or whatever they're calling it these days, singing, "I cook and I clean and I take abuse: an Iraqi life for me!" Beautiful. India, the motherland, the country of wonder, the shittiest country I've been to ever. Literally, the roads are paved in poo and broken dreams. Monkeys and beggars mock you as you walk the streets, your clothes are drenched in sweat and piss (not your own piss mind you). Let's stop talking about that place, I get nightmares. China is pretty cool, what with all the lead paint and MSG's in the food but let's be honest: that place is more Communist than Lenin's beard. Sweatshops and quotas and child labor, oh my! Japan is fairly normal compared to the other countries, except for the panty vending machines http://inventorspot.com/articles/japan_used_panty_vending_machines_5650) and the dude who wants to get married to a comic book character (http://www.news.com.au/technology/man-petitions-to-marry-comic-book-wife/story-e6frfro0-1111117901486) but at least they're religiously tolerant and politically stable right? Not exactly: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness_Realization_Party, This political cult wants to nuke North Korea and China fo' funsies. It's scary thinking that the DPJ has to coalition with these people. Why are these people not in jail already? Cops are probably too busy sniffing panties. Actually now that I think about it, Japan is also messed up: I had to post links just to prove all the things I was writing.

So why does every country hate America? JEALOUSY. Let's be honest, we rock. Like hard. We have lasers and Playboy and Obama while other countries have nothing. Suck it, you other countries. But for all its fair share of badassery, America also has some crappy parts to it.
1) Tea baggers or the tea party or whatever they go by on their Fox News interviews. These hyper-racist geriatric losers who exist to do nothing more than block traffic and yell about how black people are all on welfare.
2) Nickelback. Creed wannabes that lure 12 year old girls into buying their CDs with their "deep soulful rock."
3) George W. Bush. I don't care if you're really Conservative or Republican or just very Anti-Obama, he was an awful illiterate president that didn't listen to his advisors and his name is another name for pubic hair. Joke's on him.
4) SAT, PSAT, ACT. I know what they're for, testing me to see if I can survive college, but there are other ways. Look at my grades, look at my extracurricular. Don't test whether I can "find the main theme of this paragraph" or "find the probability that the next marble is blue" because that NEVER happens in the real world. In the middle of surgery will I say to my nurse, "Scalpel, thank you. Forceps, thank you. Now uhh what is the next item in the series? Dang I wish I'd done better on my SATs." Or at my grandchild's birthday party, when I ask my own son or daughter how old their child will be, will they turn to me and say "Well, dad, Judy is now twice as old as Adam, but six years ago, she was five times as old as he was. How old is Judy now?" Darn you College Board, darn the whole lot of you.
5) Twilight. Enough said.

Last thing before I stop typing and get back to real life. Yes America is pretty imperialistic, I get that. We've got military bases in a lot of countries, destroying their culture with our Burger Kings and Miley Cyrus, but at least it's better than living in Iraq. Well living anywhere is better than living in Iraq, even Japan because at least they've got dugongs.

~TBD~