Yea It's Another Post, Fantastic.

As I sit on my balcony watching my dad teach a priest to swim, I can only think of one thing. America is awesome. Just great. Where else is there such religious freedom and tolerance? Not in Europe that's for sure. England? Bite me you tea drinking imperialist assholes. Alright that was probably a little harsh, but then again they did colonize India. Good thing we had Gandhi or my life would look a lot more like Mary Poppins meets Slumdog Millionaire. Oh yea plus the Crusades? Totally uncalled for. France? Nah all they're good for is mimes and annoying 15 year old girls who constantly quote this blog and send the link everywhere (love you <3). Germany? HAHAHAHA, the only way you can use Germans and tolerance in the same sentence is "The Germans have a high tolerance for beer, oh and they hate Jews." I don't even want to talk about the Middle East cause they hate women over there. WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? Not safe in Iraq that's for sure. I can just imagine an Iraqi musical: some lady comes out, fully covered in a towel or a burqa or whatever they're calling it these days, singing, "I cook and I clean and I take abuse: an Iraqi life for me!" Beautiful. India, the motherland, the country of wonder, the shittiest country I've been to ever. Literally, the roads are paved in poo and broken dreams. Monkeys and beggars mock you as you walk the streets, your clothes are drenched in sweat and piss (not your own piss mind you). Let's stop talking about that place, I get nightmares. China is pretty cool, what with all the lead paint and MSG's in the food but let's be honest: that place is more Communist than Lenin's beard. Sweatshops and quotas and child labor, oh my! Japan is fairly normal compared to the other countries, except for the panty vending machines http://inventorspot.com/articles/japan_used_panty_vending_machines_5650) and the dude who wants to get married to a comic book character (http://www.news.com.au/technology/man-petitions-to-marry-comic-book-wife/story-e6frfro0-1111117901486) but at least they're religiously tolerant and politically stable right? Not exactly: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness_Realization_Party, This political cult wants to nuke North Korea and China fo' funsies. It's scary thinking that the DPJ has to coalition with these people. Why are these people not in jail already? Cops are probably too busy sniffing panties. Actually now that I think about it, Japan is also messed up: I had to post links just to prove all the things I was writing.

So why does every country hate America? JEALOUSY. Let's be honest, we rock. Like hard. We have lasers and Playboy and Obama while other countries have nothing. Suck it, you other countries. But for all its fair share of badassery, America also has some crappy parts to it.
1) Tea baggers or the tea party or whatever they go by on their Fox News interviews. These hyper-racist geriatric losers who exist to do nothing more than block traffic and yell about how black people are all on welfare.
2) Nickelback. Creed wannabes that lure 12 year old girls into buying their CDs with their "deep soulful rock."
3) George W. Bush. I don't care if you're really Conservative or Republican or just very Anti-Obama, he was an awful illiterate president that didn't listen to his advisors and his name is another name for pubic hair. Joke's on him.
4) SAT, PSAT, ACT. I know what they're for, testing me to see if I can survive college, but there are other ways. Look at my grades, look at my extracurricular. Don't test whether I can "find the main theme of this paragraph" or "find the probability that the next marble is blue" because that NEVER happens in the real world. In the middle of surgery will I say to my nurse, "Scalpel, thank you. Forceps, thank you. Now uhh what is the next item in the series? Dang I wish I'd done better on my SATs." Or at my grandchild's birthday party, when I ask my own son or daughter how old their child will be, will they turn to me and say "Well, dad, Judy is now twice as old as Adam, but six years ago, she was five times as old as he was. How old is Judy now?" Darn you College Board, darn the whole lot of you.
5) Twilight. Enough said.

Last thing before I stop typing and get back to real life. Yes America is pretty imperialistic, I get that. We've got military bases in a lot of countries, destroying their culture with our Burger Kings and Miley Cyrus, but at least it's better than living in Iraq. Well living anywhere is better than living in Iraq, even Japan because at least they've got dugongs.

~TBD~

Yes I'm Posting Too Early And No That's Not A Sex Joke

I am worried. I thought I was going crazy because I kept hearing a buzzing noise. After a brief consultation with the voices in my head to assure myself of my sanity, I realized that the buzzing stemmed from a sense of urgency. I have decided on two things: 1) Post whenever I gosh darn want rather than posting once a month. I mean, come one, it's a blog, not a menstrual cycle. 2) I have decided not to become one of America's multitude of video game-playing, energy drinking, caffeine-addicted, 24/7 Facebook using, slackers of teenagers. I would, however, be a video game-playing, energy drinking, caffeine-addicted, 24/7 Facebook using, slacker of a teenager with political finesse. Not all the time, mind you, because I care about American politics about as much as I care whether or not you've even read this far into the post, but for now, yea, I've got something to say. It's on this Scott Brown chap. A couple of things about this entire business I don't like? It's a lose-lose scenario with either candidate. It's like stealing money from a charity so that you can afford baseball bats to club baby seals. I'm not good with analogies. On one hand, you have Martha Coakley. While a great number of kids, being liberal from smoking pot or whatever kids do these days, will automatically side with her, that's because they don't actually see her for who she is. If political skill were looks, she'd be the Susan Boyle of the political world. Recently, one of her ad campaigns was noted for misspelling her own state, Massachusetts. While her supporters claim that she didn't actually make the ad, she did approve it. She didn't just look at the possible selections and say eenie-meenie-miney-mo (which coincidentally is how Bush won the election). And don't they have Spell-Check in Massachusetts? Well, come on, so she misspelled her state. That isn't all she did right? How about how she didn't write in $200,000 from her husband's bank account as part of her assets while assessing her financial wealth so that she could be eligible to raise more campaign money. How about how she hasn't actually drafted an exit strategy proposal even though she says that she can get U.S. out of the Middle East. HELL NO, lying doesn't work that well. Look where it got Tiger. Voters aren't that stupid. Although maybe they are after I show you how the other candidate won in a blue state (and I'm not counting Joseph Kennedy as a candidate because he got one fiftieth of the votes Coakley or Brown got). Scott Brown, I've heard many bad things about this one. Word on the street is that he's trying to revive the Nazi party, and he eats endangered species at all his meals (although I must say his Panda hors d'oeuvres are amazing). Why am I against Scott Brown? Because he broke Democratic super majority. "Yea but at least that way Democrats don't control the Presidency and the house" ignorant Republicans might claim. Yes but do you know what that leads to? FILIBUSTER. No its not a Ghostbusters spin-off in Philadelphia, it's by far the single biggest waste of time that politics has ever had to endure. For those of you who may not have heard of the filibuster, it is when one of these charming, ambitious Senators that we voted for and love so very, very much reads from a phone book. Yes, you read that correctly. Rather than answer any arguments the other side may have made or propose a more appealing alternative, they read from a phone book. Straight down the page. Oh and in a couple of hours, when they finish, another senator comes up, and the process is repeated. Isn't it great to know that our lives are in the hands of such brilliant people? So now we can't block filibsuter meaning that the Health Care bill that so many crazy Conservatives freaked out about over the summer? Well its chances of passing (intact or modified) went from 80% to around where my friend count is. Not looking good for the Democrats. Major ramifications? Oh I can think of a couple. Well, with this political wrench in the sleazy, grimy, infrequently used political think-tank of America, the already barely rotating gears, will come to a halt. Congress isn't going to be giving us any fun tax deductions or fun *cough tax-increasing cough* stimulus packages any time soon. What does this mean about immigration reform? Job bill? Exit-strategy? Well just like Obama's chances of re-election now that we have a complete lack of progress (and Congress), not very likely. And although, unlike what that idiot Glenn Beck may say on his show (and I use that term loosely) or Bill O' Reilly on his biased contradiction-fest, or Hannity on his ranting sessions, about how America as we know it is coming to an end, a lack of progress probably doesn't do wonders to our international image. The pressure is definitely going to be on Obama to whip Congress in shape. Massachusetts, you always gotta ruin things, dontcha? So what can we do about it? Well, Scott has already been elected. If you want, I guess you can write him a letter asking him to pretty-please not take office and I wish you luck with that, but frankly, I don't give two Shi'ites if we give jobs or pass health care or whatever cause I got some video games to get back to.

You stay classy, San Diego.

BAM NEW POST!!!

Fun stuff, my imaginary readers! I remembered to type up a new post! All on my own! Ok that's not ENTIRELY true. One of my friends (yes I have a couple now!) told me about a blog that she and her friend made (abbyandtalya.blogspot.com <3 Abby and Talya!). And then I remembered this website, buried under the piles and piles of far more superior websites, drowning in a sea of cyberspace and advertisements, rushing around violently and haphazardly. The improbability of even stumbling upon this site, not even a scab on the elbow of the Internet, is staggering. This blog is not even an underdog, more like an under...hamster, scuttering about on its little wheel of neglect. But ANYWHO, I decided to bebop over to this bodacious blog and bring a big book of updates to YOU! Because I have a confession to make America, and the world, I have not been fair to you. Blogging is at the heart and mind of every patriot in America (the kind that sit at home and watch reruns of House while drinking Mountain Dew in an, old, unwashed t-shirt). But I have violated the sacred sanctum of speech in one way: I have not been typing from the heart... it's sort of been coming from the spleenish area. Forgive me for I have deceived you, allow me to shuffle off this deceptive coil and reveal who I really am. My name is Loserguy (as far as you're concerned) and I'm not actually so downtrodden and alone as my previous posts may have indicated. I'm actually quite hyper, talkative, and dead gorgeous. You may recognize me as that underwear model you really wanted to sleep with. Yea remember him? That's me. Anyway it was New Year's or whatever recently (13 days ago, I'm busy Ok? Geez) and so I guess I had better make some resolutions or whatever it is the kids do these days.

1) Actually update this blog once a month. (probably not gonna happen but we'll see. It's amazing how much you can accomplish when you have no life).

2) Increase my bubbly awesome to 100%!

3) Annoy people less (might be hard as science has shown that an increase in bubbly is directly proportional to an increase in annoyance)

4) Wreck Fools. 'Nuff said.

5) Make 5 resolutions.

Wow I've already completed one of the resolutions. Looks like this year is off to a good start! Once again, I apologize for the trickery, but hey, it's a new year and I'm a new person. Same ravishingly delectable looks on the outside; but with a new creamy filling full of excitement and hope. At least it's not nougat filling. I hate nougat.